The Nicest Pirate
Joe Benton had been the master cook on board ‘Poseidon’s Fury’ for just over a year. It was a medium sized pirate ship with 35 crew members. Or, at least, it had been. Five weeks ago, Captain Oxford had been killed by a shark whilst off the ship having his morning swim. The quartermaster, being his second in command, took over as captain. But just two weeks later, he had a huge argument with the ship’s first mate over an unpaid debt and they ended up shooting each other dead. With a crew this small, there weren’t really any other crewmen with important ranks left, but Joe had the word ‘master’ in his title (which was a little silly, considering he was the only cook on board), so the remaining crew had voted that he take over as captain. At least until they could find a more qualified replacement for him.
But Joe really didn’t want to be a pirate captain. He had only become their cook because his mother and two teenage sisters were all depending on him to provide for them. And working on a pirate ship simply paid better than any other cooking job he was qualified for. He did rather enjoy being at sea, but he really didn’t like how violent the job often was. So much robbing and killing. His mother had raised him to be a good man, too good to take part in all that. Luckily, as the ship’s cook, he had always been able to stay on the ship and away from all the fighting. But now the crew had voted for him to be their captain. He had little choice but to accept the title, no matter what it might require him to do.
Joe chose to continue with the mission the two previous captains had begun: a treasure hunt. Using the map Captain Oxford had purchased (at great personal expense), they eventually found the island on which a famous pirate had apparently buried a vast treasure trove. Obtained through a lifetime spent pillaging, he had stolen more gold and gemstones than he could ever spend, so he had left it for another ambitious pirate crew to find one day. It was the pirate way.
“Land ho!” shouted Joe’s helmsman.
“Well shiver me timbers, thar she blows!” Joe was referring to the island, though ‘thar she blows’ should actually be shouted when spotting a whale. But… Joe really wasn’t very good at pirate slang. Too much of his time on the ship had been spent working on his own, away from the rest of the crew.
“Please find somewhere for us to dock the ship.” This caused the helmsman to raise an eyebrow. “Erm, I mean, dock us now, you son of a biscuit eater!”
The helmsman smiled back at Joe. “Aye aye, Captain!”
Soon they docked and the whole crew disembarked. Continuing to follow the treasure map, it took less than an hour to find the spot where the treasure was apparently buried. But, to Joe’s dismay, he discovered that they were not the first ones there – another pirate crew had already begun digging! The other crew looked to have about half as many men as Joe had with him, but upon spotting each other everyone (except Joe) drew their guns and swords.
“Wait, wait!” Joe shouted to both crews. “This is not necessary! No-one needs to die here, I’m sure we can all share the treasure!”
“Share?!” Joe’s whole crew shouted in unison.
“Yes, I say share! Erm, you scurvy dogs!”
His crew was not happy about this proposal. One member, who went by the name of Squid, walked over to him and whispered in his ear, “Captain, that’s not going to happen. We’ve all worked too long and hard to get here. Either you get us all that treasure, or we’ll find someone else to be our captain.”
What will Joe do?
Can the situation be resolved peacefully, or must there be a fight?
What will Joe do with his share of the treasure if he obtains it?